Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
