how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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