# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
