I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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