the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
