Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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