So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
