why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
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