Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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