i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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