fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
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