I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
