You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
