white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
