We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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