Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
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