Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
