I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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