im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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