Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
