I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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