Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
