i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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