i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
