they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
