for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
