when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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