Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
there is glitter all over my balls
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize