That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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