i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
