i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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