final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
