I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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