we're blogging at a bar
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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