I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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