I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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