I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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