i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
