I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
