Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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