Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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