Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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