They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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