i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
My balls are so social today.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I pour the whiskey from now on
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
