It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
