Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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