Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
