i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
People in love make me want to vomit
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
