I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
