She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
