my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
