i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Randomize
