Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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