Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
