We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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