Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
