im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
