my phone needs a breathalizer
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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