I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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