She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize