The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
