Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
