Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize