i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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