Sry I called you an 8
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
