but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is it penis luge time yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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