We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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