so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
