found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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