:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
my shit smells like andre
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
