he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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