apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
