I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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