Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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