somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
