So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
